Mother's Day Grief: My Miscarriage
Two months ago we were given the biggest surprise of our lives, we were expecting baby #3. Both our boys were planned so you can imagine how shock we were when we learned a baby was on the way. Unfortunately, the biggest surprise of our lives ended up turning into our biggest heart ache. I learned via an ultrasound about a month ago that I had suffered a miscarriage.
We tend to hide the heart aches of miscarriages, as if it's something to be ashamed of but it's not, to be ashamed is to imply that we did something wrong. As weird as it sounds, I found comfort in hearing other women's stories who had felt the heart ache of loosing a baby, whether it was at gestation, still birth or after birth. To all of the women who have shared their stories on-line, to the women I personally know, but never knew they had too gone through this until recently, to the super kind nurse who comforted me and told me the countless of women who she had seen going through this and assured me I was not alone, to the sweet insurance woman who began telling me about her miscarriage and her now rainbow baby, thank you! You have no idea how much comfort you brought to me. To know that I was not alone with this, this was all too common, and most importantly I did nothing wrong, thank you, thank you!
I spent days without even being able to say or write in a text the word miscarriage. In fact, I began telling my closest circle only little by little with a simple photo of my shadow with my formed belly at the beach and the words "no heart beat". I couldn't even write anymore than that never mind say it. But I learned as the days went by that the more I talked about it, the more I normalized it, and the more I made it more comfortable to talk about, the more I healed.
So in the end, as much as I like to keep many things about my life private, I have chosen to share my miscarriage so that I could bring closure and continue to heal, but also, so that I may somehow provide comfort to anyone who reads this and is also going through a miscarriage. I hope this finds you comfort in the same way I found comfort in all those women mentioned above. You are not alone!
And finally, Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's reading this post! And a special Happy Mother's Day to those moms whose babies left them early to go to Heaven! 💖💙