How Spending Time Alone Saved Our Marriage

Marriage is hard work, add a baby to that and it gets a hundred times harder. Need proof, think about every couple you thought that was super cute and would last forever, now think about what happened to the majority of them after having kids... not so much of a happy ending. The truth is, that having kids, although the biggest blessing,  has been the ultimate test in our marriage. The lack of sleep, constant demands of children while trying to balance work, life, the home.

Then you add the actual act of raising the child. You think you know your spouse 100% until you have a baby, and suddenly it's clear that you really didn't know them at all. My husband and I rarely argued before having children. We always agreed and seem to have everything in common. Then we had Jaxon, and the little small details ended up coming up and becoming huge deals. Things like if the child does not want what you cook, do you force them to eat it or tell them they will not have anything else. Or, do you cook an entirely separate meal just for him. These kind of situations kept coming up and we quickly learned that we were raised very differently and did not agree much on anything. Then add never spending time alone with each other and becoming devoted parents, and you have constant fighting and arguing, all day, every day.

Now that Jaxon is almost six and we have Lennox, our two year old, we have gotten much better at it this. Yes, we still disagree a lot of times and yes we have our arguments, however, we figured out a way to work it out without feeling like we might get a divorce after every argument. Honestly, we couldn't achieve this level of understanding and compromise had we not given each other time alone to talk through our lives, refresh and give each other the attention we both need and deserve. 

This is why we now strongly believe in spending time alone. We try to give each other at least one day a week of alone time. Even if it's just watching a movie together after the kids have gone to sleep. We also began taking trips alone this year, and it has honestly been the best thing for our marriage. The parent guilt is all to real, and leaving our kids for a few days is not easy, but absolutely necessary and it is why we treat vacationing alone as an absolute necessary investment into our marriage. The moment we began to prioritize our time alone, is the moment things began to change for us, and has made us a stronger couple as a result.